Why I won't buy the new VH album, NO MATTER WHAT!

A few years ago VH had an album release party on the radio. I believe it was for "Balance". I tuned in but lost interest after the first 3 songs. I thought they were going to die with this album, but was later disappointed when it went to No. 1. So I gave up on a Roth reunion and basically gave up altogether and tuned VH completely out of my life.

In the spring of '96 I hear on the radio that Dave is back in the band to record a few songs. Rumors abounded about a tour, but nothing was for sure. For 4 months VH played with my brain. Keeping me on the edge of my seat. But I didn't want to get my hopes up. I didn't want to believe it till I saw it with my own eyes.

Boom, I'm going through the channels and the MTV awards are on. I figured what the hell, I hate MTV but I'll watch it for a bit. Then the announcer says, "Stay tuned for a reunion you thought you would never see!"

It could only be one thing! Was Dave going to be there with VH once again, onstage?!! I was glued to the set. Finally, "Runnin' with the Devil" is blaring and out comes all 4 original members of VH. It says at the bottom of the screen "Van Halen". Oh my God, It is for real!! VH is back! It is 1978 all over again. There is Dave shaking Alex's hand, him and Eddie hug. How much more do I want, these guys are back!

I stay tuned and listen to the interviews after the show. There they are once again billed as VH. They say they are in the studio making great music. Alex says "you can't BS the fans" and Mikey says "The sky is the limit". Yes! VH is back!!

After 4 months of BS they finally come clean and appear together on TV as VH. I'm living in the moment. What will the follow-up to 1984 sound like? What songs will they play live? All is well, Diamond Dave is back and so is the original, real and ONLY Van Halen!

About a week goes by. Then I hear on the evening news that it is all over. It turns out it was a publicity stunt for the GH album.


Eddie this better be good. What is your excuse?

Eddie said, "Dave said tonight was about him. He told me I fuckin' better be quiet about my hip. He was putting a cart in front of a horse that wasn't there."

You mean to tell me, Edward Van Asshole, that you strung me along for four months, couldn't make up your damn mind whether Dave was in or not, and then you made your decision the first time you guys get into an argument? That's all the effort you put into this? Dave supposedly pulls a ham-string trying to make it work and you give it up just like that? Where was your fans feeling in all this? You toyed with us all this time and you quit the band at the first sign of trouble? What a fuckin' wuss.

Don't tell me afterward that you guys were pissed at Dave on that stage. Look at you all, look at Alex giggling away at Dave while Beck gives his speech. Look at Mikey. Look at you guys. Videotape does not lie. Fuck you and your made up story.

So now you tell me it would have been a rip-off anyway. Dave's voice was gone. But yet it's good enough to sit side-by-side with your greatest hits. You threaten to not even release the new songs if Dave continues to call it a publicity stunt. Well why the hell didn't you? And then you say you got a new singer with "Elephant Balls."

You know what, I AIN'T NO CHUMP. To hell with Gary Cherone. I came back for Dave. You got me back here and then pulled the old "Bait and Switch".

Goodbye Van Halen. Have fun ripping off your fans who follow you blindly with your "Tribute" tour.

It is like calling a car dealership. "Yes, Mr. Heat, we have that model. Come on down and I'll show it to you." And what happens when I get there?

"Were very sorry Mr. Heat, but when I was talking to you someone else bought it. But you know what, it's your lucky day! Because over here I have the new Ford Elephantine Ball Roadster. It's quicker, handles better and the best thing is, I will give it to you for the exact same price. What do you say?"

"You know what, I liked the old Ball Roadster. I was more comfortable with it. It grew on me. Why did you advertise it so heavily if you didn't have them in stock? You know what? Take that car and shove it up your ass. I don't do business here no more."

That is why I WILL NEVER BUY A VH ALBUM without Dave. Period.

I am nobody's fool. My life does not revolve around Van Halen. I don't care if there is a pretty new logo. I don't care how much Eddie hypes the singer singer with an "Angel's voice". To me, Eddie died. Like Lennon in 1980. It is over. I can go on without VH. That is what is so ironic. The people who won't buy the new album are the one's accused of having their life revolve around VH. Bullshit. You guys couldn't live without Eddie. You would even buy the new album with Gary Coleman singing. Whose life really revolves around VH?

They didn't just fool Roth. Maybe even Roth fooled himself. I couldn't care less about that. I am me. VAN HALEN FOOLED ME. They threw in the towel after the first argument. Eddie said all was cool till that one night. Fuck that! It was a publicity stunt pure and simple. I supported this band a long time before a lot of you out there heard "Why Can't This Be Love". Eddie pulled a fast one on me. That doesn't sit too well with me.

It doesn't sit well with a lot of people.


No one stays in number one land forever. You guys are heading for a fall.

I am a real VH fan. I don't support just anything advertised as "Van Halen".

Don’t tell me to get a life Eddie. This is reality. Van Halen pulled the "Bait and Switch" of the musical century. I will never buy a new Van Halen album without David Lee Roth. No matter fuckin' what. Because my Elephant Balls are for real.

My life does not revolve around your group Eddie. F*ck you Eddie! Never again will you play me as a fool.