MARCHING TO OBSCURITY

Sammy Hagar’s career is dead and will never rise again!

Call it "Marching To Mars", "Marching To Obscurity", "Doin’ The Cabo Wobble To A Red Uninhabited Planet" or whatever, this guy's career is OVER. Less than a year and freshly separated from Van Halen, fresh from all the publicity, fresh with all the sympathetic publicity (unlike Dave in ’86), fresh from 4 straight No. 1 albums, fresh from saying, "I saved the band (VH)", and this guy can only muster a No. 18 showing for 1 week on the Billboard charts. What a joke! Coming from someone who says that they "replaced Dave".

Sammy Hagar spent $480,000 of his own money to make "Marching To Mars", and what does he give us? "Little White Lies". Should have called it "Little White Trash". Sammy, I hope, for your sake, you were joking when you said you spent a half-mill on this album. If this is all you have to show for your money, then inflation has it this country HARD. You lost your ass on this record, because 1 week at No. 18 does not equal a half-million in profit. I see that later you re-couped your money, but you sure as hell did not make any money.

Sammy said, "Then with 'Baluchitherium,' (an instrumental off Balance) I really didn't have a good lyric for that. I told Eddie to just make it an instrumental. Then, Ed blamed me for ruining the song by not wanting to write lyrics for it." You got it mixed up Sammy, you ruined every Van Halen song you did by writing lyrics for them. It just shows you cannot come up with a vocal melody or lyric on demand like Eddie said when he first got you. Why do you think Dave turned your "Balance" reject, as you say, into a radio hit. It proves he can turn Eddie’s music into something good when you can do nothing with it. You’re not a songwriter Sammy. You’ve been riding Eddie’s coattail’s all the way. You didn’t save this band from anything. You just kept a sinking ship afloat a bit longer.

Sammy said that VH did not go tour with Dave because, "Dave couldn't sing the old songs." Another remark from an insecure individual who could never deal with the mystique or legend that was the original Van Halen. Samuel, you have been caught red-handed in this lie. The Greatest Hits album proves that Dave’s voice is still there and still better than your high-shrieked whimper. I can hear you doubters already, "What, he goes in the studio… and there is this magic box… and it can make anyone sound like Frank Sinatra."

Let me let you in on something, there is no magic box. Any good producer or engineer can tell you, "Garbage in, garbage out." All a studio can do is enhance your voice. Make it warmer, add some delay or reverb, chorus it maybe… that’s basically it. If it could make anybody sound good, then there would be no Frank Sinatra. In many ways, the production on Dave’s voice was botched. Purposely? I don’t know. But it is awfully trebly sitting in with the rest of the tracks.

It’s like this. Say you eat a steak with steak sauce on it. You know what it will taste like? Steak with steak sauce on it. Now let’s say you take shit and put steak sauce on it. Is going to taste like steak? No, it’s going to taste like shit with steak sauce on it. Garbage in, garbage out.

Samuel said that Van Halen would make big money on a reunion tour and that, "Roth would work cheap." Cheap? You call telling Eddie, by Ed’s own account, to "Quit talking about your hip, tonight’s about me" cheap?!! Let’s imagine this conversation at the local Burger King:

"Jimmy," the manager says, "could you quit flipping burgers a minute and refill this woman’s glass with some water. I would do it, but I have a bad hip."

"You have a bad hip?!!" Jimmy says, "this place isn’t about your hip, it’s about me!"

"O.K., O.K. Jimmy. Calm down. I’ll get the water. I won’t talk about my hip anymore."

"YOU FUCKIN' BETTER NOT!!"

Do you call that working for cheap? Since when does the person making minimum wage say "It’s about me". Dave, if these clowns ever offer you a contract in which you are not paid the money you deserve, turn it down. I do not want you back at "any price". They want the money just as bad as you do. Like Sammy said, "Dave was the leader of that band" and he always will be.

You said before, "Dave will never let anyone forget he was in Van Halen." Oh yeah? Did Dave ever make references to VH in any of his videos? Did Dave ever list Van Halen in the credits of any of his albums? You are one hypocritical bastard.

Why the infatuation, Sammy, with Mr. Roth? Why do you give him so much attention? What’s up Sammy, why the obsession? You think DLR is going to give a scoundrel like you the time of day?

Keep up with your trash Sammy. I have noticed the longer you have been separated from VH and the worse your album does, the more desperate you’re talk becomes. A sure sign of any insecure personality. And you said Dave’s career was over? Speak for yourself guy. Dave is in demand by the fans right now. One day, he will rise again with fame and fortune in Van Halen or otherwise. You will be forever known as the guy that "ruined" Van Halen. I noticed your radio interview started with "Sammy Hagar show starts tonight. Plenty of tickets available." Van Halen prolonged your career by over ten years. Eddie served you a stay of execution. That is all Sammy. You did zilch for this band. Dave left with pride on his own. You stayed until your stinkin’ butt and attitude got you kicked out.

Just wait till your next tour. When you have no publicity. When you have no airplay. When your even fatter and older. It’s over Sammy. Where are all those fans you brought to the table with Van Halen. Well Sammy fans? Is Gary Cherone going to embarrass your boy? Think twice before you buy that new VH album. You have no fans Sammy. VH is going to debut at No.1. Too many people think Eddie is God. Eddie could get Gary Coleman to sing, it doesn’t matter who he replaces you with. Good-bye Sammy, have fun in outer space on your red planet. Far away from here.

"SONGWRITER" GARY CHERONE

An Extreme fan wrote:

P.S. Gary uses three, sometimes four, syllable words, so you Roth and Hagar fans may need to pick up a DICTIONARY.

You got to be kidding! Even Sammy writes better than Cherone. Gary Cherone is moon/june + wuss all the way! I visited an Extreme web page and cut and pasted these songs at random. There is TONS more of this stuff. While you are at it, count the syllables. Like this stuff has any meaning at all!!. Stop whenever you have had enough:

Lyrics from the "great" songwriter Gary Cherone of Extreme:

Wind me up that's all you do

Wind me up and leave me blue

I'd like to see if you could be

Kind enough to me when you

Wind me up

Don't take me places then wanna go home

Sometimes, I think I'm better off alone

Hey girl, you know what you do

Color me red then leave me blue

Hey kid, I'm talkin' to you

What am I supposed to do

You know that you're something special

That's something you already knew

Hey kid, got something to say

But you won't listen anyway

I am only tryin' to help you

But you get further every day

They keep calling asking me

If I'll come in

Is that a sin

If being lazy is the only reason

It's getting late

So, Mutha don't you hesitate

To pack my lunch

And I'll be on my way to school

Mutha, Don't wanna go to school today

I think I'd rather go outside and play

Big boys don't cry

As if nothing seems to matter

Big boys don't cry

Then why do I

Big boys don't cry

Because nothing in this world

Ever matters

Big boys don't cry

Rock rock rock a bye baby

Rock rock rock bye bye

And if they had

Any chance at all

You still can't hear

Those voices that call

And when the bough breaks

The cradle will

Cradle will

Cradle will fall

Do you wanna play with me

Buckin' up, recess

Jump rope, relieveo

See saw, sand box

Matchbox, Cheerios

ABC's, spelling bees

Sesame Street, hockey

Duck duck duck duck

Duck duck goose

today don't look so bad

compared to tomorrow

if time is all we have

then we're living on borrowed

yesterday's for fools

who try to remember

the good ol' days

weren't always that

much better

and whatever you do

someone's done it first

though it's sad but true

this us just another verse

if you can't take it with you

then what's the use

i never saw a u-haul

being pulled behind a hearse

sun going up,

making its rounds

it keeps on moving,

painting the town

before you know it,

she's sinking low

so tell me something . . .

something i don't already know

i don't know?

toward the south,

then turning north

whirlwind spinning,

on a circular course

the answer my friend,

returns to blow

so tell me something . . .

if every song been sung,

under the sun

what's left for me then,

eat drink and have fun

it must go on, as for the show

so tell me something . . .

naked, and i'm unashamed

naked, with no one to blame

naked, ya you want the truth

naked, here's my birthday suit

naked, naked, naked, naked

i pretend to be not anyone

except me and my imperfections

there is nothing i

expect of you

that you wouldn't

expect of me, too

don't feel sorry

it's not your concern

only the lonely

are the ones who get burned

safe in my nest

home sweet home

no invited guests

i want to be alone

respect,

always everybody looking for some

respect,

who do you think you're gonna get it from

respect,

anybody here deserving of none

respect,

tell me what makes you think

you're not the one

little lamb come out of

the rain

you'll catch your death in

the cold

a helping hand to come ease

the pain

in peace you'll rest in

our fold

last round

looks like i'm in for a fight

knocked down

there is nowhere left to hide

stick 'n' move

when i try to run away

old one two

i only end up face to face

mirror mirror getting clearer

can you see why it's so hard

for me to break apart

from all the things i hold

closer to a heart

that has grown, far too cold

loving you, unconditionally

something new

to a heart yet not free

that's what i want to be

what you are to me

the good ol' days i was known to wear a smile

like all good things they've gone out of style

i will admit, usually a quick wit

i found bemusing

what used to be, no longer are amusing

chorus:

it's nothing that you said,

no nothing that you did

must have been a bad joke,

that's gone over my head

what me worry, another tragedy

the latter plus time, equals comedy

why can't i get to the other side

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